The value of listening to yourself

Happy Monday,

We already know all of the answers to our inner-most questions, desires, or pursuits. The phrase, “the answer is within the question” smacks the ball out of the park when it comes to understanding ourselves, our internal realities, how we got here, who we want to be, and where we want to go.

How did I conclude that? And why am I philosophizing this shiz when there are blatant experiences out there proving that we simply cannot learn without going through the education motions?

Well, what motivates a person to pursue the answers to their questions?

Example time!

Let’s say that my life goal is to be a Marine Biologist. I already know my desired result, but I need to figure out how to get there. Right? I know that I need an education to gain more knowledge about this realm. I know that I need to dedicate so much time studying, experiencing, and understanding to get myself from however many A’s to B’s necessary. I know that I will not become a Marine Biologist overnight and that a damn solid foundation must be built so I can take on anything and everything without being knocked off my horse. I know that no matter how much I know, read, learn, or study that I will always have room to learn more and to possibly unlearn some things that I once believed were truths. I know that it’s not going to be easy but I will not settle for anything less than my ultimate goal. I know that sacrifices will be made, priorities must be balanced, and that life is full of changes that could help or hinder my immediate progress, but never my overall progress. I know that I will be a Marine Biologist.

How do I know all of this?

A person holds their interests, their path, their understandings, their new perspectives, and their new findings or experienced results as valuable. In other words, the path of experiences are a true benefit to one’s livelihood, one’s ultimate happiness, because they just know. Here exists two things: an inner guiding voice and value of that inner voice. We all have this inner voice. I do think it’s very possible to brush it aside, write it off, think it’s wrong, or simply not listen to it because we fail to see its value in regards to our path. The law of karma, anyone?

Many claim that they don’t know. They don’t know about healthself-imagetruth from untruthperspectivesjobscareers, financialsor relationships. Hmmm… We can choose to eat “healthier” by following our needs and not wants, we can choose to love ourselves internally that will translate externally, we can choose so see the universal truth of a situation and not just our own filtered perspective, we can choose a job or career that won’t require us to settle for less, we can choose to not over-spend or put such a value on money, and we can choose to love and accept everyone.

I get it. It’s hard when there are so many things getting in our way of listening, especially with the ego, beliefs, conditioning, societal pressures, structures, fears, shames, or hurtful experiences swaying our better judgment. Constricted awareness sounds like it would fit in right about now. Let’s define Awareness as an unconditional thought. To be aware means to be present without bias, prejudice, judgement, or assumption. To be aware means to understand a universal karma; you get what you give. Constricted awareness means to only see one biased side of the picture - your side - and leaves little room for universal truths, universal understandings, following a true path, and, most importantly, self-growth.

We will always know what’s best for ourselves if we just take a second to listen AND take another second hold a personal value to that gut-feeling-know’s-best advice. For example, when people come to me for health perspectives I often find myself telling them after a few exchanges that “you know what’s best for you.” I can throw out all the health advice in the world from diet solutions to posture corrections to abdominal exercises to lifestyle changes to perspective awakenings, but absolutely none of that makes any difference if there isn’t a value placed on one’s own internal voice encouraging them to eat healthier, to sit up straight, to not over-train, to go to bed at beneficial hours, or to stop beating themselves up for not being perfect.

Value, value value, value, value, value your guiding voice. 

If you’d like to discuss this perspective along with other health-related insights, please contact me for a FREE Conversation.

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Were you ever taught how to listen?

We are taught how to learn. We are taught how to read. We are taught how to write. We are taught how to play. We are taught how to share. But are we taught how to listen? Are we ever really given an education or proper advice on how to listen to someone - to truly hear another person’s perspective, thoughts, beliefs, and understandings?

Understanding is a major component in listening. But I do not mean understanding from your own perspective. I mean to put yourself in their shoes, to see the situation from their point of view, to understand their experience and why they have that experience, to be involved in their side before you involve yourself in your side. We have a tendency to project and diagnose another’s situation without truly understanding their situation.

Take a moment to reflect on yourself: When you listen to someone are you really listening or are you relating, assuming, judging, projecting, and predicting based on your own experiences? Do you assume that since you’ve been through a similar situation or you have experienced the same circumstances that your approach holds water for the other person, too? Do you realize how arrogant that sounds? No two people experience the same situation equally or in the same manner nor do they take away the same thingTo project your experiences, understandings, or perspectives onto another person’s story, life, experience, or situation is not listening at all… it’s waiting to answer, waiting to be right, waiting to give your two cents on how you would do or not do things, and waiting to be heard as a form of selfishness.

True listening requires a detachment of yourself from the situation. It requires empathy (which is very different from sympathy). It requires openness. It requires vulnerability. It requires selflessness. It requires genuinity. It requires honesty. It requires an even exchange of trust - to comfort and feel comfortable. It requires the ability to first understand from another’s perspective before you understand and provide your own perspective.

Listening opens doors to relationships all-the-while building them through trust, honesty, openness, and understanding. When we listen to someone - when we truly listen and understand from their perspective - we are able to understand that person that much more and we are also able to understand the relationship that much more. This understanding helps build an emotional foundation. Every time you truly listen and understand one another you are laying the bricks to your foundation, your connection, and that is the most important part in any relationship (with others AND with self).

What would you rather want… to be heard or to be understood? 

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Define: Death

We experience death on a daily basis: the set of the sun, the set of the moon, the wind ceasing, the exhale of a breath, the act of waking up, the act of falling asleep, the completion of a project, the passing of every second, any given experience of life that has come and gone.

  • Death brings an end to a beginning and it simultaneously creates a new beginning.
  • Death, when accepted, can allow for learning, growth, perspective, gratitude, appreciation, understanding, and responsibility.
  • Death, when denied, can breed hate, anger, resentment, dishonesty, irresponsibility, and blame.
  • Death is universal, inevitable, and necessary.

Death isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t anything to be scared of, and it isn’t a reason to avoid experiences. To take perspective on death isn’t simply a matter of not being afraid of the concept… it’s knowing what you are afraid of and why.

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Heeding your own advice

It’s so much easier to give advice than to follow it, amirite? So, why does it happen? Why are we good givers and sub-par receivers? Why are we able to see other’s trials with perspective and fail to see our own in the same light?

A fish doesn’t know it’s wet.

The first time I heard this quote was at the CHEK HLC 1 course in October 2011. It struck me and stuck with me. I find myself referencing the quote at least once a week - if I’m not experiencing and taking perspective on it, I am repeating it to myself.

The problem lies within our self-awareness… or the lack thereof. We become blinded by beliefs, emotions, habits, reactions, assumptions, judgments, or expectations - by our Ego, which serves to protect (sometimes it’s a bit overprotective). We fail to see our situation because when we experience a trial we tend to fall back into what got us there in the first place. To paraphrase Einstein, “a problem cannot be solve with the same level of thinking (or awareness) in which it was created.”

How do we gain perspective and attain awareness to start heeding our own advice? Well, there are a few ways…

  • Find yourself. Define yourself. Discover who you are and how you came to be. Write down all aspects of your personality, your beliefs, your perceptions, your actions, your reactions, your habits, your likes, your dislikes… and why.
  • Be present with your thoughts, beliefs, actions, reactions, and words. Understand consequences by defining the positive or negative energy action that created the reaction (Karma, what goes around comes around, what you give is what you get).
  • When you act or react ask yourself why it occurred… the cause to the symptom.
  • Remove or detach self from the situation, experience, or outcome. Become self-less. See the situation for what it is, not how you perceive, assume, expect, or want it to be.

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Comparing self to others

Do we benefit or lose when we compare ourselves to others? Is it good to compare to get a better sense of self or does that act simply push us further away from self [and others]?

  • We compare what we are not… I’m not strong enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. 
  • We compare what we don’t have… I don’t have a car. I don’t have an outlet. I don’t have a good job. I don’t have a significant other. I don’t have friends. I don’t have energy. 
  • We compare where we are not… I’m not as successful as my peers. I don’t have a place of my own. I am not where I predicted I’d be at this point in my life.
  • We compare our present to our past… Life was easier. I was healthier. I could run for miles. I could eat anything and not gain a pound. I was happier. Growing up sucks.

Any type of comparison is negative - it builds, defends, or hurts the Ego. You are not your Ego… the Ego is a part of you and it’s good to know when you are calling the shots and when your Ego takes charge. The Ego is a culmination of expectations, assumptions, judgements, predictions, and shameful events of the past. The Ego can protect us, but it can also blind us. Even those comparisons where we label ourselves above self and others - I am stronger, I am smarter, I am healthier, I am prettier - are all ego-boosting judgements and don’t really help anything in the long run. To think that you are better than someone else or better than your past self pushes you further away from a true reality - we are all equals and you are equal to your past self because it is a part of who you are, not who you aren’t.

  • Are you able to accept yourself the way that you are? If not, why?
  • Are you able to not judge, not assume, not expect, not predict, and not shame self or others? If not, why? Can you take note of when you do and why that occurs?
  • Are you able to be happy regardless of who, where, or what you are? If not, why?
  • How do you define happy? What makes you unhappy? What isn’t enough? What are you lacking? What are you comparing? Why are you comparing?

It’s good to take perspective on yourself and others. It’s good to know who, what, and where you are not, but that should not define who you are. We all grow, evolve, and mature at different rates, times, and ages. Don’t let your Ego prevent you or your perspective of others from being.

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12 totally awesome exercise tips!
    1. Increase sugar consumption - Sugar (carbohydrate) is the body’s primary fuel source. To limit sugar is like limiting gas for your car. Unfortunately (yet fortunately), the body can find ways around limited sugar intake and will MacGuyver other means to produce energy, which usually result in cut homeostasis corners and hormone imbalances. Every single cell and every single bacterial organism in your body uses sugar as their go-to food. There are over 50 trillion cells in the human body and bacterial cells outnumber those cells 10 to 1. Say you were the Ruler of a village and you decided to completely cut off the people’s food supply… what do you think will happen? They’ll find ways to get by in the interim, but you better believe that those people will eventually revolt the hell out of you and bring you down to Chinatown. Sugar is rapidly consumed/used/converted/burned by the body in a state of stress (exercise, dietary, allergens, intolerances, emotional unhappiness, sleep patterns, etc.) and, with that in mind, sugar (and salt!) is extremely therapeutic for the Adrenal Glands (which produce/regulate the stress hormone Cortisol). So, without an ample supply (stored and consumed) of therapy the body becomes very susceptible to stress. Note that all sugars/carbohydrates are not created equal and they all do not assimilate in the body in the same manner. 
    2. Increase salt consumption - Say you’re excessively dehydrated to the point where you have to go to the hospital. What do they hook you up to? A saline-solution IV a.k.a. a SALT DRIP. Salt is bad for us? Well, that depends on the type of salt, but, in-general, it’s an essential nutrient. A good-sourced Salt naturally contains potassium and magnesium; all-three-of-which are factors in hydration and cellular energy. Then there are commercial salts that commonly contain anti-caking agents, which can cause those funs things like high blood pressure, water retention, swelling, and other salt-related dis-eases.
    3. Limit water consumption - It’s very possible to dehydrate through over-hydration. I do believe it’s necessary to drink an individualized amount of fluids, but water isn’t really that nutritious… at least the average bottles that do not contain trace minerals are not nutritious (and can be antagonistic). Too much water can actually flush the body of essential nutrients. The cells can only hold so much water, nutrients, and waste. An over-saturated state will cause the cells to release some essentials and non-essentials. A good indicator of over-hydration (essentially dehydration) is clear pee because we all know that drinking dehydrating alcohol makes our pee clear. So, what do you drink? Sugar-based liquids such as Orange Juice or Coconut Water will do the trick as they contain sugar, potassium, and magnesium… add some salt and you’re good to go! DON’T FEAR SUGAR.
    4. Eat/drink before, during, and after a work out - I find it interesting that some people limit their nutrient/caloric intake around work outs (and even throughout the day) thinking that consuming calories will prevent the body from burning them or that calories will make them fat or that calories will negate any work out they just did. The body needs energy to produce energy and, just like in the first point, the body will cut corners to make things work in a nutrient/calorie-deficient state. Be sure to give yourself enough energy surrounding (especially after!!!) and during your work out. Don’t be afraid to consume calories because the body needs a means to burn them.
    5. Leave/end a work out with energy - What good will it do if you absolutely kill yourself in a work out? I’m being serious. The no pain, no gain feel the burn mentality is out-dated and defunct. Over-training is very detrimental to progress and all-things-homeostasis. Under-training, however, isn’t bad - in fact, it’s much more beneficial to under-train than to over-train. Exercise is a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time, pace yourself, keep it simple and to the point.
    6. Rest harder than you exercise - Sleeping and having an adequate amount of off-days are essential to a good nutrition and exercise program. The body rests, recovers, regenerates, and literally rebuilds itself at night. Cutting sleep and/or working out excessively (in my book: consecutive days without rest days in a week) will turn progress into regress and send stress hormones through the roof, thus completely negating anything “good” you are providing the body (i.e. weight gain, increased estrogen, cortisol, adrenaline, and serotonin, inflammation, anxiety, anger, irritability, mental fogginess, and the list really can go on for days). If you’re tired, listen to your body and rest… you’ll benefit much more than running on stress hormones.
    7. Stretch before and after - Most exercises encourage very contraction-specific movements and with all of that contracting there should be a balance of elongating. If you don’t like stretching around your work outs then set up designated stretch days that fall on your rest days.
    8. Take cold showers - Sounds wild but cold showers can actually increase anabolic hormones (testosterone, progesterone, pregnenolone, etc.). Guys will notice (aside from shrinkage) that whenever they go into a cold pool that they get “turned on” and girls can experience the same affect in their own right. From a chinese-medicine POV, cold provides the body with a dose of Yin energy (cool, calm, female) while exercise is predominantly a Yang energy (hot, fiery, male). It doesn’t have to be a long shower - just finish up your usual hot shower with a cold-as-cold-can-be-handled blast for 1-5 minutes.
    9. Change it up - The body is very adaptive. It’s smart. It learns repetition rather quickly, i.e. how to perform movements, resistance, and tension exercises so it can do them more efficiently and effectively the next time around. This adaptation happens about every 2-6 weeks, depending on the person and type of exercise. Learn how your body adapts and change it up accordingly to keep from hitting a progress plateau.
    10. Wear flat shoes - We’re really not meant to wear shoes. Shoes teach the body how not to walk, how not to balance itself, how to rely on external support rather than self-sufficiency. Try to find the flattest shoes you can that support your arch-height. Personally, I enjoy a pair of chuck taylors for weight lifting and running. I have a rather flat foot so they support my arch accordingly. There’s a lot of hype about the five-fingers. I’ve never tried them, but I hear great things once the body adjusts. I suggest that you do your own field research for yourself. As for shape-ups, air-pockets, ankle-support, or anything that’s extra-cushioned… no. Note: Foot or ankle issues are symptoms to a kinetic-chain cause (the cause could very well lie within the knees or hips, which produce a ripple effect if they are not balanced properly).
    11. Use exercise as a tool, not a foundation - I’m going to burn this off in the gym is not an efficient nor enjoyable way of living. Exercise is meant to compliment a healthy diet and lifestyle, not try to make up for it or, essentially, negate any choices that were made prior to or to reason a work out. Exercise as a foundation is an outward-in mentality - it’s thinking that a mental choice can be fixed with a physical choice. You live in your body, your body doesn’t live in you. Make choices accordingly and take some responsibility!
    12. Use nutrition as a foundation, not a tool - Nutrition is the true foundation for health. The body uses the nutrients its provided to make new blood cells, new skin cells, new tissue cells, new organs, new eyes, new chemical reactions, new hormones, etc. every single day. The body can definitely make chicken salad out of chicken shit and we intuitively know that (just gotta listen to that intuition!). Build and establish health within all inner realms (spiritually, mentally, emotionally) to reap its benefits on the outer (physically).

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Are bad times not-so-bad after all?

Why are bad times bad? 

Why can’t we spin the bad times to actually be good - if not the best thing to happen to us?

We can learn a lot from the worst of the worst; the bad of the bad. Absolutely everything can prove to be a learning experience - an untapped perspective on life and on ourselves that we’ve never seen before. I understand that certain bad times aren’t ideal. For instance, I’ve recently dealt with the loss of a good friend and it’s certainly not an easy reality to grasp… but I have come to learn a great deal from the experience. I’ve learned a lot about a lot: how I experience myself, how I experience my loved ones, and how I experience life. Do I wish I came to this realization in a different manner? Of course, but the impact or gratitude may not have been as prominent.

I’m encouraging you to look at every bad experience as good, if not the best experiences of your life to date. Instead of asking “why did this happen to me?,” say “I experienced this through my personal definition of reality and I am going to take responsibility for my reality, my experience, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my reactions, and I’m going to use that responsibility towards the betterment of myself. Nothing ever happens to me, onlyI decide how I let an experience affect or reflect upon me.”

We can’t always prevent bad times, but we can certainly view them in a different light so they’re not-so-bad after all.

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Sunday wrap up June 24th

Miss any posts this week?

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I want to be perfect

What is perfection?

Can we ever be perfect?

Why do some believe that they aren’t perfect?

Perfect is what you are right now.

Perfect is what you are experiencing right now.

Perfect is the culmination of everything that you are and were, that you experience and have experienced, that you think, feel, believe, do, don’t do, see, touch, smell, taste, hear, want, need, desire, shame, approve of, lust, love, or hate.

You pass a test? It is the perfect culmination of studying, attention, awareness, memory, dedication, drive, understanding, sleep, nutrition, and hydration.

You break your leg? It is the perfect culmination of force, stress, angle, timing, placement, environment, and weakness.

You think you are right? It is the perfect culmination of past experiences, beliefs, values, personal realities, perceptions, logic, communication, and understanding.

You end up being wrong? It is the perfect culmination past experiences, beliefs, values, personal realities, perceptions, logic, miscommunication, and misunderstanding.

Put yourself, what you have experienced, and what you continue to experience into perspective - understand what you define as perfect and why that definition exists.

Put the word perfect into perspective - it’s not a comparison to others, it’s a culmination of your being.

Instead of trying, wanting, wishing, or desiring to be perfect… just be.

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We assume that what we see is what is real

To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow. (p28)

Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago. A street map of the city would be a great help to you in reaching your destination. But suppose you were given the wrong map. Through a printing error, the map labeled “Chicago” was actually a map of Detroit. Can you imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination?

You might work on your behavior - you could try harder, be more diligent, double your speed. But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster.

You might work on your attitude - you could think more positively. You still wouldn’t get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn’t care. Your attitude would be so positive, you’d be happy where ever you were.

The point is, you’d still be lost. The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude. It has everything to do with having a wrong map.

If you have the right map of Chicago, then diligence becomes important, and when you encounter frustrating obstacles along the way, then attitude can make a real difference. But the first and most important requirement is the accuracy of a map.

Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories: maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or valuesWe interpret everything we experience through these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we’re usually even unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. 

And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions. The way we see things in the source of the way we think and the way we act. (p 23, 24)

Excerpts from Steven R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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