Do you see the world in black and white? Do you observe the world in black and white? Do you consider situations to be black and white? Do you take perspective on the grey?

Yeah, we’re not talking about the physiological trait that allows people to see the world only in the absence of color and the blending of all colors. I’m talking about your perspectives, experiences, understandings, and opinions on life.

• Black and white - One or the other in a given situation, right or wrong, one way or the highway, take without giving.
• Grey - An understanding that there’s more to a situation, no one is right nor wrong, an attempt to hear all sides to gain perspective, giving and taking.

The grey represents the ability to see the details: our conditioning, our programming, our influences, our education, our reasonings, our inspirations, our habits, our intelligence, our beliefs, our nutrition, our genetics, our environment.

The black and white can be the result of those details…

For instance, when a person is steadfast in their claim that a chair is black they could be very well fueled by their details: an education that taught them that “black” is actually navy blue to the rest of the world; the chair could have been in a dim-light room which made the chair look black, but once a claim is in place there is a conditioning of pride that prevents one to be “wrong;” the person couldn’t have eaten much all day and a lack of calories could have produced a “slower” brain response to think a brown chair is black; or there is a need to be “right” just to prove the other wrong out of spite, influences, habits, beliefs, reasonings, and just all of the above.

I used a very dumbed-down example to illustrate how our personal details can really turn something simple into a complex situation. 

There are details to every situation. While it may not always be necessary to look into the details whenever an opinion, decision, conflict, difference, or confrontation arise, it certainly doesn’t hurt to consider them or to put them into perspective. Try to really look into the details of yourself first before you go ahead judging, assuming, or deflecting on others. It may take a while and it may bring up some painful truths, but getting to know yourself for who you have become can help pave the way for who you want to be. 

If you’d like to discuss this perspective along with other health-related insights, please contact me for a FREE Conversation.

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“If this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give and cry, say live and let die.” (Paul McCartney)

Live.

Take it in. Experience it. Feel it. Understand it. Show it appreciation. Learn from it.

And let it die.

Let go of the past to live the present. Move onto the next experience in life on your own time, on your own terms, at your own pace, at your level of understanding. Use every experience to better experience the next. Constantly grow and evolve into the person you want to be. 

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Don’t live in the past.

Ok, that makes sense. To live in, dwell upon, regret, or rethink the past is not quite a proactive approach to life - it’s very limiting as it prevents a person from experiencing the now, the present moment.

But what about neglecting or forgetting the past? Can pretending the past does not exist prove to be equally as limiting? The past can be very shaming and to neglect that part of life is the same as neglecting a part of your self.

The past provides insight into who we are: How we came to be, how we got here, and why we got here. By “here,” I am referring to how you define your current self: personality, beliefs, emotions, thoughts, actions, and reactions.

Let’s say you experienced a shame (because we’ve all had our fair share) and your reaction was to shut that shame out of your life or out of your memory because it is too painful. The consequence of that neglect is that you’ve developed a part of your personality that does not take responsibility for self, a part that lives in a lie to only build more lies, and a part that can encourages walls or boundaries to be built that prevent others from experiencing a specific part of yourself [that was shamed]. Excuses or reasonings of “that’s how I am” ring true on the surface, but are they the entire truth of the past AND present? The truth reveals all.

This neglecting reaction prevents you from getting to know you, to understand why you react, or to piece together how you came to be. The longer the neglect goes on, the further detached a person becomes from their true selves. We are a culmination of all of our experiences - not just the ones we choose to recall (a reaction that we can say is a symptom to a greater cause).

Our past is a true guiding light into ourselves. Take the time to recall and revisit the past so you can get to know your present self better - this will allow you to actually move beyond the past because dwelling and neglecting are one in the same. For some, recalling is an easy experience. For others, it can prove to be much harder… but realize how much you can grow and discover by accessing a part of yourself that has been lost for days, weeks, months, or years.

Always choose self-responsibility over self-neglect (or placing the blame outside of self and onto others). It will open your eyes to a whole new world of you.

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Do you have any advice for moving past something you regret? This situation is so stupid, but despite knowing for years that I can do nothing to change it, I still fret over it.

Perspective:

No situation is ever “stupid” (“wrong” or a “mistake”). That is your judgment and opinion of yourself - be kind! It’s easy to get caught up in self-shame because it makes the “pain” seem less bearable (“I’ll put myself down so no one else will”), but you are only creating more pain in the end. It’s Ok - this is a part of the learning, growing, and healing process.

Whatever the situation or moment in the past, at that time you did the very best that you could and it was exactly what you “wanted.” Obviously, you have grown emotionally and mentally since that occurrence and now you have the perspective, “if I could do it over again, I’d do it better.” What’s wrong with that? I think it is better to realize that you could have done things differently rather than being completely unaware of how you came to be. Appreciate self for reflecting on the past and understanding that you have grown. It’s not easy to revisit regrets, but it is a step towards self-awareness and self-discovery.

If the situation involved others, consider that they, too, did the very best that they could and may have a different way of doing things. It’s easy to get caught up in right and wrong when everyone has a different definition of those two ego-driven words. Also, just as you had certain reasons for your actions/reactions, so did that other person…

• Appreciate them for being a part of your experience.
• Appreciate them for providing an opportunity for self-growth and self-awareness.
• Appreciate them for sharing a moment in your life.

Take responsibility for your past self and your past experiences. You can only “blame” yourself. Yes, another person may have had an influence on your situation, but you are the only one who determines how you react/act to an experience. By taking responsibility for your past you can allow an acceptance, a forgiveness, and an understanding of who you are today.

Take time to understand and forgive the situation - then and now. The longer the situation goes unaddressed (is run away from), the longer it will be a factor (influence present day). That’s not to say dwell on it, but it is important to take time, emotion, and effort to reflect on the past so you can move on in the present.

Write down your experience of the situation. Our thoughts and emotions are real, but it may help to make them physically real by putting a pen to paper…

• What happened?
• When did it happen?
• How did I feel before it happened?
• How did I feel when it happened?
• How did I feel after it happened?
• Why do I think it happened?
• Why did I react or act the way that I did?
• Was this situation a symptom/result of a larger personal issue/cause?
• What is the root cause/issue of my reaction or action?
• What were my assumptions and judgements of the situation then?
• What are my assumptions and judgments of the situation now?
• What is the true situation? Not just my truth.
• What can I learn from my past experience?
• How much does my past experience affect my present day? (thinking about it and/or running away from it)
• Why does it affect me?
• What will it take for me to be happy now?
• Can I forgive others in the situation?
• Can I forgive myself?
• Can I appreciate and be thankful for my experience?

There is a progression in healing old wounds. Be open to that progression. Be open to your feelings, your thoughts, and your emotions. Take time and make an effort to understand why they exist. Take responsibility for yourself and only yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Appreciate your experiences then and now because you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.

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• An Experience is a moment of one’s reality
• An Experience is purely individualized
• No two people Experience the same reality
• No two people equally define an Experience or a reality
• Reality is an independent perspective of our Experiences - non-physical - past and present
• A non-physical Experience is our true reality
• We Experience reality solely through our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and beliefs
• One cannot “have” an Experience without the Experience of the mind
• A physical reality is a manifested Experience of the non-physical self
• A physical reality is not actually a “real” - it is only Experienced by our non-physical self
• We have the power to choose how an Experience influences or defines our reality
• We can choose if an Experience is good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative
• We can choose if an Experience makes us happy or makes us sad
• The same moment will be Experienced differently by two (or more) people
• It is important to understand that your Experience will be different than someone else’s Experience
• It is important to understand that your Experience of me is different than my Experience of myself
• Our present Experiences are a reflection of our past Experiences
• It is impossible to recreate a past Experience - it can be a reflection of, yet entirely new
• We can choose to repeat past Experiences or to learn from past Experiences (good or bad)
• Experiences are necessary and an integral part of life

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In recent months, I’ve realized how much self-hate I have been dealing with from a young age. As a result, I have little self-esteem and I was wondering if you had any advice?

Perspective:

First off, thank you for sharing this with me (and with those who are reading this). It takes courage to admit that you are unhappy with yourself, and it takes even more to express that unhappiness to others. So, please understand and appreciate how profound of a leap you are taking just by being aware of and open with yourself.

We all have troubled pasts and very often past experiences can still have an impact years or decades later in our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this instance because there are no wrongs in life - there are only moments and our reactions to those moments. It is up to each of one of us to take our current situations into perspective by asking: 

Who am I?

How do I define myself?

Who do I want to be?

Why do I want to be?

Who was I?

How did I get here?

Why am I here?

Where do I want to be?

All-too-often people will run away from their past or bury it deep within themselves because what they experienced at a younger age was traumatizing. With each day that pain is not addressed, it only amplifies the original experience that much more. Yet, there’s something more “comforting” about acquiring new pain than facing an old one because it gives us a sense of existence, attention, or feeling (whether we want to be noticed or unnoticed - our ego’s goal is to draw an outside awareness in our direction).

I believe that you are already on your way towards accepting your past so you can be fully present with your current self. Here are some more perspectives that may help…

Your past experiences were necessary for you to be who you are today

Each and every single experience is necessary for your path. For example, I would not be here providing you with my perspective if I did not experience my share of hardships and internal battles. They were not easy to experience at a young age, but I’ve come to realize that those experiences are part of who I am - they helped shape who I am today and who I desire to be tomorrow. 

Address your self-esteem

Ask yourself why you have low self-esteem and try to trace that pattern back to its original source/your first (or several) experience(s). It may be hard because the mind has the ability to block out traumatizing experiences for the sake of survival, yet the journey back in time to find that hurt, inner child is possible (and often necessary). 

Overcome your fears

Fear is an illusion that we build up within our thoughts. Children are scared of the dark because they believe that their imagination can become real… but what’s real, anyway? Our thoughts, emotions, and reactions create illusions of a [physical] reality. So, in essence, fear is not real. 

Have patience

Time is only a factor when you make it one. Do not force yourself to grow, heal, or find freedom. Adopt “the law of least effort” in this case - a tight muscle cannot be forced to stretch to a ego-desired length otherwise it may pull, but a tight muscle that is allowed to elongate at its own pace through a minimal/slow-paced effort will always achieve progress.

Do not have expectations

Expectations are a self-made boundary system. We predict outcomes before they even occur through our own definitions of “right” and “wrong.” When those outcomes do not develop in our favor or are not “right,” then we experience a set back that can truly effect our well-being. Be open and detach yourself from every experience. That’s not to say you shouldn’t care or put forth an effort, but to not become too attached to a desired outcome in the case that it may not come true on your expectation’s watch.

Trust in yourself

Learn to trust in your efforts and trust that they will be met accordingly. Good will return good and bad will return bad - Karma!

Unconditionally accept yourself because you are who you are 

You are an accumulation of your past and present self. You cannot change the past, you can only influence the present, and you can put trust in your future. Take one step at a time towards a path that you wish to travel. It will truly be the road less traveled, but understand that you have been destined from day one to travel that road - to experience and learn from those experiences solely for your gain.

Love yourself and love others

Thank you for your question!

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Karma will always come back to bite you in the ass if you give the opportunity to do so. That opportunity presents itself in a state of unawareness. 

Awareness is the ability to be completely conscious, awake, present, responsible, and confident in your current decisions, trusting in whatever the future may bring. 

Unawareness, such as irresponsibility, unconsciousness, carelessness, or an emotional blockage, may lead to consequences that bring a change, fear, anxiety, depression, or “unpredictable” experiences.

I believe that predictions are decided the moment we are either aware or unaware of our present decisions and their future consequences (good or bad). The choice is purely up to us whether Karma exists in a good or bad state within our lives. Although some decisions/outcomes are out of our control (serving a greater purpose), the majority are well within our choice, our reasoning, our reaction, our responsibility to ourselves and others, our wants vs. our needs, our intuition vs. our ego, our past selves vs. our present selves.

Allow your decisions to predict your Karma by being aware, responsible, and confident in your present moment. Make every decision count now so that you don’t have to make up for them in the future. Subtle positive changes develop bigger positive results.